Wednesday 3 April 2013

C is for clowns






Out of everything I hate on this planet (and trust me, that list is legion) there is one thing I hate above everything else. That thing is clowns.

Clowns are pure evil. The garish makeup, the giant shoes, the multicolour wigs are all a sham into tricking you into believing that clowns are jolly creatures whose purpose is to entertain and make little children smile.

Bull. Shit.

That is just a cover. Clowns are psychopathic serial killers who will lull you into a false sense of complacency with their balloon animals and pratfalls so the moment your guard is down, they can drag you off to the nearest sewer or alternate dimension and spend the next 5 days scaring you to death. Don't fall for it...keep your guard up and your distance long, because those red-nosed bastards are all devious.

Need proof of the evil?

Serial killer John Gacy, used to perform as a clown at kid's parties. Nuff said.
I swear my insomnia started because of the clown doll from Poltergeist and caused me to get rid of every doll I owned because that fucking satiny asshat had me convinced all dolls came alive at night and were hiding under my bed, waiting to drag me off to some ghost-dimension where I'd spend eternity trapped inside someone's  tv

The Grand Poobah of Evil clowns, Pennywise from It. Thank you Stephen King, for turning my paranoia into a full-fledged phobia. I also avoid sewers, old houses, overgrown empty lots and Chinese restaurants, thanks to your sick brilliance



 There are not enough flaming middle fingers in the universe to express my hatred of clowns, but for argument's sake, the earn a solid 5 on the Hate-O-meter



















30 comments:

  1. Oh my god, I came across your blog 10 minutes ago, thought I'd catch up with all your A-Z posts. I'm still laughing as I type this. The humorous tone, the sarcasm, the hate-o-meter and flaming fingers... just brilliant!

    I'm not coulrophobic, but this post might just make me one. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I strive to spread my hatred and paranoia all over the blogasphere lol

      Delete
  2. For me it might just be the red hair. It, Chucky, both scarred me for life. *shudders*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh man, I forgot about Chuckie..that little bastard scared the hell out of me too!

      Delete
  3. Hmmm..... good points! How about this: nothing wrong with clowns per se. But they are irresistible cover for evil types. Not only do they make good cover for observation, they are great for capturing unaware innocents in order to do harn. Those possibilities have forever tarnished their image. Too bad -

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate everything about clowns but I totally agree they make good covers for evil people :D

      Delete
  4. I'm solidly with you on this. Clowns are worthy of all the hate in the universe. I never liked them, not even when I was a kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have yet to meet anyone who actually love clowns...it seems to be a fairly universal hate

      Delete
  5. With you on this. Clowns are creepy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've always believed clowns to be an instrument of Satan and Stephen King confirmed it with 'It'. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did he ever...I love Stephen King, but curse him for his all-to-vivid imagination

      Delete
  7. I never hated clowns as a kid, but I never could understand the point of them, or why they were supposedly funny. They're just dumb.

    Except in Stephen Kings capable hands ...then they become monsters of our nightmares!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr King has a talent for turning the ordinary into scary as hell, that's for sure

      Delete
  8. Clowns are scary, my kids wouldn't go near them. They are only interesting as characters in horror stories.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My son was never a fan of them either...it's probably partly genetic lol

      Delete
  9. I have a horrible cough so I'm late for my play time on the internet today. I'm baaack. That Poltergeist clown scared (scares) the ever-loving crap out of me. I went through a weird phase when I was young where I wanted to collect these creepy porcelain clowns - WTF?! I was an odd kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone gave me a fancy porcelain doll when I was a kid and I hated it...it was so creepy I made my mom hide it in the back of her closet because it freaked me out

      Feel better soon!

      Delete
  10. Poltergeist turned me off of clowns, too. And, something about the clowns in the car at a Barnum and Bailey circus that I don't like to talk about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clown cars are creepy too...all that evil stuffed into a tiny vehicle, that's just wrong

      Delete
  11. lol, I love clowns, and those movies were scary ass weren't they. What scared me the most about IT was the damn balloons...now there is something to be really scared about...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, the balloons!! Combined with clowns I hate those too!

      Delete
  12. I fucking HATE clowns. And mimes. And people dressed up in garishly cartoonish mascot outfits. And puppets.

    But ESPECIALLY clowns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eww, I hate mimes too, but more because of the high annoyance factor. And puppets are totally creepy as well

      Delete
  13. Wow, you really do hate clowns to give them the five fingers. I don't really have any feelings towards them at all.
    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #42

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clowns are #1 on my hate list...I'd give them a million flaming middle fingers if there was room lol

      Delete
  14. The funny part is I actually know two clowns. They're super nice people and not serial killers, I swear. But I understand the fear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as you're sure neither of them will lure you into a sewer...if they start talking about how they all float down here, run for it!

      Delete
  15. Ohmigosh, clowns are the very devil!!! A co-worker and a friend of mine went to a "haunted house" and, even with one guy before me and one behind (heh heh), I twitched from the anticipation of being completely freaked out of my mind. We reached a smallish room in the house, adorned with framed pictures of clowns. I said to my friends, "God, I really can't stand scary clowns." Right on cue, a clown-faced dude poked his head out from one of the frames and cackled at me. Rat-bastard. :-D
    Some Dark Romantic

    ReplyDelete