Wednesday 10 April 2013

I is for irritating neighbours

I don't believe in hell, but if I did, I'd wonder if it was situated across the street from me, because I seem to be a magnet for irritating neighbours. My  neighbour-irritation scale ranges from "your should buy your kid a treadmill to save wear on your carpet"(the people that live in the apartment below mine, who's kid runs laps at least 20 times a day and needs to be duct-taped to a wall until he/she calms the hell down) to "take a valium and shut the fuck up" (neighbour across the parking lot, who at this very moment is kicking his fence in for the 3rd time in a month...fyi: while your fence renovation technique is intriguing, you may want to use a hammer next time instead of your foot. Also? Nice pyjamas. At 4 in the afternoon.), to "the universe must hate my guts, because that is the only explanation for these asshats" (former neighbours across the street, who drank and fought so violently the rest of the neighbourhood were on a first-name basis with the police, who made an appearance at least once a month. Also, they set their car on fire in the driveway once. Hopefully by accident. But possibly not.)

In an ideal world, I would live smack in the middle of 1000 forested acres and never have to be subjected to some dumbass who gets in a fight with his wife and decides to sit in his car in the driveway, blasting ABBA on his stereo that doesn't quite drown out his drunken crying at 3 in the morning. Until that world becomes a reality, my collection of earplugs will have to do.

Irritating neighbours get 4 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter. They'd get 5, but I allowed for the over-all entertainment value that comes from watching a 300 lb angry, drunk woman attempting to beat the shit out of 4 cops and failing badly


17 comments:

  1. I'm lucky as far as neighbors go. I live out in the country and our only neighbor is a retired farmer and his wife who are lovely people. The rest is farm land and cows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh nice! I'll take cows over people as neighbours any day!

      Delete
  2. I think the worse neighbours I ever had were the couple who had their kids taken away by child protective services one day. Lets just say that none of us felt badly for the parents, which should tell you what sort of people they were.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of my ex neighbours, we dubbed her Screamy Mom because it seemed she was incapable of speaking to her kids without screaming. I try not to be judgmental of other people's parenting styles, but constant screaming or anything of an abusive nature towards a kid really pisses me off

      Delete
  3. Despite the entertainment factor when 19 cops show up to break up fights and parties, I still would like to take my bat through their front door and knock some sense into them (not hit them with a bat, that's illegal...perhaps a strongly-worded speech). For that reason, I took the extremist's way out: I'm moving!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The entertainment factor gets old in a hurry after you've had to call the cops a few times...I really don't miss the crackheads or the fighting couple AT ALL since I moved

      Delete
  4. I love my neighborhood. I sit on a 1/2 acre next to folks who sit a 1/2 acre from me. No noise to speak of only my dogs barking at their dogs, every so often.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like heaven!! Lots of space between you and your neighbours, that's ideal

      Delete
  5. My L was actually OL for this! Thanks! I am, stopping by from the A to Z Challenge. Incidentally, you have also been honored (cursed?) with nomination for the famed? Liebster Award. Feel free to ignore this if you are not into chain Blogging Awards, but if you feel like having some fun with it, take a peek over at http://taochild.wordpress.com/2013/04/10/atozchallenge-it-is-i/ for details and explanations. Keep up the good work! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much for the Liebster! I will honor the curse this weekend, when I have time to figure out some really weird questions to pass on to the people I'll nominate/curse with it :)

      Delete
  6. I don't have any bad neighbors, BUT my neighbors want to, gasp, say hi and chat with me! I'm such a hermit once I get home. I have used up all of my outgoingness, and it's pure introvert once I pull in my drive. No chatting, and don't come knocking on my door! Harumph.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have one neighbour in my building I really like...we occasionally drink way too much wine together and the first time she met my ex boyfriend, the evening featured a nipple piercing gone horribly wrong. I'm surprised she still speaks to me lolol

      Delete
  7. Damn, where are you living, Beirut? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should point out I have no proof those neighbours smoked crack, but I assume they did, because who the hell accidentally sets their car on fire?? Crackheads, that who.

      And I didn't even include the weirdos down the street who painted their front door to look like a coffin and hung a bunch of naked decapitated Barbies in the tree, which I never figured out if it was an art installation or a warning

      I should probably do tourist marketing for my town lol

      Delete
  8. Too bad you didn't get a video, but I guess you wouldn't want her coming after you. So far I have been pretty lucky with good neighbors.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    Visiting from AtoZ #41

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm right there with you but I would give them 5 "birds". Between the stereos next door and in the next building (yeah, it's that loud), the slamming of doors that shake the whole apartment and we can feel our floor shake anytime someone next door runs up or down the stairs. Don't even get me started on how none of them can park between the lines. Make that 10 "birds", I hate neighbors.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love my road. The only thing that's the least bit annoying is the fact that our neighbors tend to treat us like we're kids...mostly because my husband grew up on this street, and they've all known him since he was a kid. SMALL price to pay for a fantastic neighborhood.

    ReplyDelete