Saturday, 6 April 2013

F is for fashion


I do not understand fashion. At all. I'm a jeans-and-t-shirt person who shops at Value Village for clothes because a) I'm cheap and b) there is nothing like the rush of finding a barely-worn pair of kickass leather cowboy boots for the low, low price of $17.99. Also, trendy tends to look ridiculous on me, like I've been caught playing dress-up in my mom's closet. That is if my mom was a flamboyantly gay man who declared baby-shit yellow the new black and outfitted all the models at his Spring 2013 fashion show in adult diapers, while calling his latest collection "an ironic statement about the circle of life in regards to incontinence", but in reality should be more along the lines of "my latest collection was inspired by the hallucinations brought on by a 2-week Red Bull, tequila and ecstasy binge".

Seriously, this is not creative vision. It's a flagrant misuse of innocent fabric, gone horribly wrong
It's a giant, fancy, crocheted tampon come to life
Football meets "The Official Preppy Handbook" meets cross-dressing.
Stay back. I have a dress covered in spines and I'm not afraid to stab you with it


Fashion earns 3 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter. Because no one looks good dressed like a tampon

41 comments:

  1. I'm no good with fashion either. I'm always having to remind myself that stripes and plaid do not go together and that I shouldn't wear blue and green. Honestly, I probably need a full time stylist.

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    1. I figure as long as I don't look like a homeless person who slept in a dumpster, I'm doing ok, fashion-wise

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  2. Jeans and a sweater, that's about as fashion-y as I can get. Although I'm kinda diggin' the tampon look...no more muffin top!

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    1. Ha! Good point...because muffin tops suck!

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  3. You are so right, no one looks good dressed like a tampon. I think it deserves another finger.
    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #42

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    1. The tampon outfit is definitely worthy of the full five fingers :D

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  4. I don't get fashion either. I was at a kids birthday party recently and this mom next to me jabs me with her elbow and says "Is that a Birka bag?" I was like "What?" I had no clue what she was talking about. I asked her later and she said that another mom had a "Birkin" (she corrected me-it wasn't Birka) bag and celebrities carry them....don't care--at all. I wish I didn't even have this information.

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    1. Those bags cost more than most vehicles and personally, I'd rather have a new car and stick to my cheap thrift store bag

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  5. "Because no one looks good dressed like a tampon." LOL! Actually, it looks like it's ribbed for her pleasure but it doesn't look like she's having much fun. I think she's disappointed that she can't do cartwheels in it.

    Seriously, some of the crap these designers come up with is just insane. And even worse, they get paid lots of money for it.

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    1. Bwahahaha, ribbed for her pleasure!! Maybe she's supposed to be a giant knitted condom :D

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  6. LoL, funny pics! Fashion is fleeting; style is forever.

    Happy A to Z-ing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines

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  7. This isn't fashion for the masses, it isn't art it is just dumb.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

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    1. I agree...where the hell is the artistic merit in a giant tampon outfit??

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  8. I love it. Are those real fashion pics? I'm flabbergasted.

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    1. Yep, they're real...I have a whole pinterest board devoted to these kinds of fashion travesties :)

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  9. Hahahaha! That whole paragraph about if your mum was a flamboyantly gay man, made me laugh SO hard, my pelvic floor muscles collapsed. Hilarious! :)

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    1. Hahahaha, if you experienced laughter-induced pelvic floor collapse, then my work here is done :D

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  10. Replies
    1. Some people need to step away from the crochet needles :D

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  11. Oh, geez, I never thought I would say this, but those poor models!

    I couldn't agree with you more, as I sit here in my comfy sweat pants :) I, too, look ridiculous in what's trendy...if I even know what's trendy. I just wear what looks good to me and avoid malls, and I'm happy.

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    1. My style is 2nd hand store chic. But minus 90% of the actual chic part

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  12. Wear what's comfy. At my age who cares anyway! I have thrown out all those jeans I cant fit into any more and resigned myself to being a size 14/16.

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    1. I'll take comfort over trendy any day too!

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  13. I'm not much one for fashion either. I like my jeans and baggy sweaters. It boggles my mind when I come across outrageous fashions (although the giant tampon was a new one for me!), I don't understand why people create them? Do people actually wear them!

    Have fun with a-z.

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    1. I wonder that too...would even the trendiest fashionista want to dress like a frilly tampon? I hope not.

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  14. I've always been convinced that fashion designers come from an alternate universe, and their creations are some form of communication to their home base that nobody has yet fathomed out.

    That makes about as much sense as anything else.

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  15. I agree with Botanist, it's alien code. Apparently there's a giant alien somewhere riding the red surfboard and would prefer a crocheted tampon with three bows. Girl has needs.

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    1. It does seem like the only plausible explanation

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  16. Innocent fabric, lol. Funnily enough, I was talking to my little brother today about idiot fashion trends. Yeah, I'll be forever a jeans girl.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. Same here...give me jeans or give me death because I'd rather be dead than willingly dress like a tampon

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  17. I don't respond well to the question, "Is that what you are wearing?"

    I have ZERO fashion sense and it has never bothered me. It seems to bother other people sometimes though.

    Dropping by from A to Z. It's my first year participating.

    Brett Minor
    Transformed Nonconformist

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    1. My response to that question is usually along the lines of "yes, and it's a big improvement over yesterday, when I went to the convenience store dressed in fleece polar bear pyjama pants, a "Frankie Says Relax" shirt from 1987 and a pair of purple crocs"

      Thanks for stopping in!

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    2. I give you 6 flaming thumbs up for still having your "Frankie Says Relax" shirt intact.

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    3. It's one step up from a rag, but I cannot bring myself to get rid of it

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  18. Someone has to be able to pull off the tampon look.

    Found you on the A to Z list. Loved your blog name.

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  19. I almost wrote about the same thing for my F post! I completely agree with you on this one. And all of the other ones so far...

    It's like you live in my head from far away.

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  20. This kind of Freaky Fashion is for Self-Indulgent Fuckers.

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  21. I'm crying. That tampon picture. Oh, goodness...I can't stop laughing.

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