Friday, 5 April 2013

E is for Easter





Easter is a sort of bizarre holiday. Not only does it celebrate the death of a beloved religious figure who a couple days later returns as a zombie (and who's followers, I might add, are strangely happy about this development and not terrified out of their fucking minds that their leader is Ground Zero for the now-inevitable, future zombie apocalypse), but it's also thrown in with the pagan orgins of celebrating the spring equinox, the egg as a symbol of new life and the rabbit as a fertility symbol. When you put it all together it's a celebration of the circle of  birth, sex, death. With chocolate, which in my opinion is the only thing that keeps anyone from questioning this holiday mashup too closely, because who cares about clashing religious philosophies and zombie apocalypses after you've entered a sugar coma caused by eating 10 lbs of those little chocolate eggs?

 Easter has been further distorted by commercialism, which has resulted in a generation of kids being scared shitless by a guy dressed in a giant deranged-looking rabbit suit who hands out out chocolate that we insist our kids take, despite teaching our kids to never take candy from strangers. But candy from some freak in a bunny suit is fine. No wonder kids these days are so fucking confused.
That thing is creepy as hell and I'd be trying to get as far away from it as possible if I was that kid too

How phobias are created

Because nothing says Happy Easter like Chocolate Crucifixion Jesus on a stick
Easter gets only one flaming middle finger on the Hate-O-Meter, mostly because it's more confusing than hate-fueling,. Also working in Easter's favour, apparently there are drive-by crucifixions in the South for Easter, where you can pack up your family in the minivan and spend an enjoyable afternoon watching the crucifixion get re-enacted without even having to leave your vehicle, which is horrifyingly awesome





22 comments:

  1. This is my most favorite so far! I'm laughing and coughing but mostly laughing!! Awesome. Jesus on a stick - Oh my god! I just peed a little. I actually took a picture of those in the store and sent it to my sisters with a "WTF" Who would buy their kid a chocolate Jesus? Did they make the white chocolate Jesus so not to offend anyone? I have so many questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dunno, maybe it's supposed to be like communion?? I really don't get it

      Delete
  2. You did find the bizarre parts of Easter. We celebrated very low key with the grandsons, and very secularly. More pagan than Christian.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When my son was little, all we ever did was an egg hunt and loaded him up with chocolate. Now that he's 13, we don't do anything except enjoy having a long weekend

      Delete
  3. I'm almost crying from laughter! Jesus on a stick! I mean, I know in church about eating the body of Christ but isn't a chocolate Jesus a step too far? I like the fact that they've kept it multicultural though, very PC. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's like commercialism gone horribly wrong...I can just see some marketing guy saying "Hey, you know what kids would enjoy eating? A murdered prophet who died in a horrible manner and then came back as a zombie, made out of chocolate!"

      Delete
  4. This is priceless!! Zombie Jesus in chocolate on a stick, sex, death, birth...and creepy people dressed up in horribly terrifying rabbit costumes...PRICELESS!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really, when you put all the components of Easter together, it's a really bizarre end result that doesn't make any sense :)

      Delete
  5. That first picture is perhaps the most evil looking easter rabbit I've ever seen! I'm almost sure he wants to eat that kid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That rabbit is how phobias are born :D

      Delete
  6. I just can't quite get past those crucifix chocolat pops. That is rather bizarre. But, hey, if it's good chocolate, I'd eat it!

    It is a confusing holiday, agreed. But man, I used to love getting my easter basket when I was a kid! No confusiong for me back then!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As a kid, I was all about the chocolate and could not have cared less about pagan symbols or anyone dying for my sins :)

      Delete
  7. Oh my gosh that little girl screaming and that bunny with the evil laugh is hysterical photo. (I know I shouldn't laugh... but the whole thing is funny!)
    Connie
    A to Z buddy
    Peanut Butter and Whine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My son hated all people in costumes and refused to come within 20 feet of any guy dressed like Santa or the Easter Bunny. Apparently paranoia IS genetic lol

      Delete
  8. Easter photos are terribly amusing. I've never taken my kids to see the Easter Bunny, but I can only hope they would have been that terrified. ;) Yeah, there are a lot of things about religious ceremonies/holidays that don't make sense. I guess it's not important that they do?

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had many wine-fueled arguments with my mother over the bible and Christianity (she's a believer and I am not) and I think it all comes down to faith...it may not make logical sense, but if your faith in something is strong, it doesn't need to make sense...it just is

      I have no pics of my son with Santa or the Easter Bunny...he would never go near anyone in costumes and screamed if they even spoke to him

      Delete
  9. A drive by crucifixion?! Are you freaking kidding me? I need to see that before I die. Although, I'd have to go with my closest friends only, because I'm not religious, and find WAY too much humor in those types of things...

    I'm completely with you on this one, darling! Easter is for schmucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know someone in North Carolina and she says her town does a drive by crucifixion every year...this is definitely on my bucket list of weird shit I must see before I die because I don't know what I find more bizarre, the fact they're reenacting a fairly grisly murder or that you sit in your car and watch some guy hanging on a cross...I have to see this shit!

      Delete
  10. Like your photos of fashion disasters. Jesus returned alive, not as a zombie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what my mother says too...but for me, anyone returning from the dead automatically gets zombie status :)

      Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  11. That top photo of Mr. I'm-going-to-gnaw-your-face-off bunny looks like something King would right about. I say, burn it. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll gather the wood for the bonfire if you bring the matches

      Delete