Monday, 8 April 2013

G is for glitter

Don't get me wrong...I do love me some shiny objects. Sparkly things secretly make me squeal like the girly-girl that most of the time I am not, except when confronted with things covered in diamonds or Swarovski crystals, because everything looks more awesome when it shines like a disco ball

While I realize a blingy toilet is completely unnecessary and over-the-top, that does not stop me from wanting one.


However one blingy thing I could happily live without is glitter

If you have children and have done crafts with them, you know how true this statement is
Glitter pisses me off for 2 simple reasons:  1)It gets EVERYWHERE, including your carpet, your bedroom, your kid's ear canal and your lunch, even after you haven't used any glitter in your house for a week and, 2) It gets EVERYWHERE (see where I'm going with this?)

Also, using glitter for things like this highly annoys me:

Blow a handful of glitter at me and I will punch you right in the ovaries, because all I can think when I see this is "who the hell is cleaning that up? Not. Me.
Looking like you rolled around in a puddle of drunken-fairy vomit is neither provocative nor sexy






I am seriously tortured right now because I'm trying to keep this post PG-13 and the self-control involved in not making a joke about certain sexual acts with mythological creatures is stretched to the absolute limit. Must. Stay. Appropriate.


Glitter earns 4 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter, due to the high annoyance and blatant misuse of shiny objects factors



29 comments:

  1. I don't have kids, but I still occasionally find glitter on myself or in my home. Even on my dog! So thanks person five miles away, your glitter has infected my home. Yep, herpes

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    1. I swear, it travels like lice. Shiny, sparkly lice.

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  2. This always strikes me around Christmas time, because inevitably someone gives me something with glitter on it, and 10 months later, I'm still finding that sparkly nonsense in my car. Grr.

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    1. For all of December, my boss wears glitter in his hair and I spend the whole month picking it off myself..We're STILL finding glitter in the salon's back room, that shit will just not go away

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  3. This reminds me that I need to do a post about the time Andrea got "fairy dust" for her birthday. She then used it to give the cat a makeover, who then shook it all over the house. We were still vacuuming up glitter when we moved out five years later. It is totally the herpes of craft supplies.

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    1. I bet someone without kids gave her the fairy dust lol

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    2. Absolutely. It was our soon-to-be sister-in-law. No worries though, because they now have three kids, so you can rest assured I've given many a gift to torture the parents. }:)
      I've given everything short of a drum kit.

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  4. This reminds me of the pic I saw a few years back that's been floating on the internet. It's a bottle of glitter labeled 'Edward's ashes'. I always got a kick out of that. :D

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    1. I have that pic on my "Ooo...shiny!" pinterest board...it cracks me up :)

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  5. I can't fathom how obnoxious it would be to clean that loo.

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    1. If I could afford that toilet, I could afford to hire someone to clean it and keep it all nice and shiny lol

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  6. I dropped something on the library floor the other day only to pick it up and find gobs of glitter attached to it. The librarian didnt understand how this could happen as the last time they used it was back in October!

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    1. Glitter NEVER goes away...I think it multiplies when no one is looking

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  7. Great Golly this is a Marvelous Post -
    Made me Smile -
    Thank You,
    Happy A to Z!!!
    -g-

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, and thanks for visiting :)

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  8. Hysterical. I have a little girl, and I really try to keep glitter to a minimum.

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    1. I have 2 nieces and they looooove glittery stuff. I'm tempted to buy them a caselot of glitter for Xmas but their mom would kill me lol

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  9. While I totally laughed at your glitter quote, I have to disagree. When my girls were little, the tooth fairy used to leave "fairy" dust all around their pillows, on the window sill, and in a track down the hall and out the bathroom window. Hubby, who would probably add the 5th finger to your rating was less than amused.

    Thanks for checking out my AtoZ. I am loving yours.
    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #41

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, if I had thought to sprinkle fairy dust from the tooth fairy for my son when he was little, I totally would have done it despite the mess, because he would have loved it and thought it was magic. The stuff we do for our kids, right? :)

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  10. Warning, this blog is hazardous to your health!

    Seriously, I almost choked on my own saliva about you punching people in the ovaries. Then got to the sentence under the last pic and just about coughed up my spleen. Brilliant as always. :)

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    1. Thank you and I have to tell you, your Spawn-centric posts have been the highlight of my morning this month...I've been laughing my ass off!

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  11. I have not had glitter in my house since I was a Brownie Mom. The exception is some Christmas Ornaments the girls made that are packed away and rarely hung on a tree anymore.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

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    1. Thankfully my son outgrew his glitter and glue phase...it was sweet, but holy shit, there was glitter glued to every surface of my house!

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  12. Love the disco toilet!!!

    I love glitter, and I am not a fan of Play-Doh.

    www.wearinglemon.blogspot.com

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  13. ROTFL, there was so much freakin' win in this post. :-)

    I got a glittery Christmas card and wound up inadvertently wearing that crap *on my face*. How the frig did it wind up there??? Gah!
    Some Dark Romantic

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  14. Ive always wanted to run up to strangers and throw glitter on them, then dance away. Eddie says ill just end up getting my ass kicked. Still, I think it's worth the risk.

    Hugs!

    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

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  15. Glitter goes everywhere and you shit it out for a month. I don't ever remember ingesting the crap, but I've sure as hell had it all over my body. I also don't remember rubbing up against any strippers. It's evil shiny magic, and I have a love/hate relationship with it.

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  16. I was visiting my daughter at school (college, not kindergarten) and someone in the OTHER room was using glitter. I still had it all over me and then my car. Months later, still in my car (not me, the glitter).

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  17. Punching someone in the ovaries and unicorn jizz.

    I love your blog.

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