Tuesday 2 April 2013

B is for Ballet


While I admire the athleticism, grace and beauty of dance, ballet was totally ruined for me about 15 years ago when I went to a performance in Vancouver. Until that point, I assumed ballet was always something classic, like Swan Lake or The Nutcracker, danced by extremely bendy people in pretty costumes. Unfortunately for me, the ballet I saw was some kind of weird, flailing tribal/modern hybrid set to jarring music that featured a lot of gongs. There was no storyline to follow, or maybe there was and I was too distracted by the performers having what looked to be random epileptic seizures, in between  the dry-humping and all the stupid gonging. I gave up after about half an hour and attempted to have a nap, but couldn't because did I mention the gonging??? I'm still pissed I will never get back the 2 hours of my life I wasted being visually and auditorily assaulted by Ballet BC and will never attend another ballet performance again because yes, it really was THAT bad.

But it wasn't just that performance that put ballet on my shit list:

Being flexible is awesome, but this just ventures into disturbingly bendy and hurts my back just looking at this. It looks like their bones are made of rubber bands and I'm worried they could snap at any moment, sending ballerina bits flying all over the place



I really don't think that big toes were meant to support the entire body weight of a human being. Do they ever just break right off? Also, look at her feet...they're all bumpy and gnarly and I bet by the time she retires she'll have have to wear those ugly white orthopedic shoes because her feet will be all deformed and sadly, cute little sandals will not be a footwear option, for fear of terrifying small children. On the plus side, she will never need to invest in a nutcracker, because I bet she could squeeze walnuts into dust with those toes


Out of 5 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter, ballet gets:
However, Ballet BC gets a full 5 for subjecting me to that performance and scarring me for life











27 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, those poor broken ballerinas! How wonderful to see new work! I love that you are being so original. This is my first visit to your blog. Please visit ours at http://citymusecountrymuse2012.blogspot.com/ and please sign up to become a member if you like what you see!

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    1. They do look broken...bendy is one thing, but that is just disturbing

      Thanks for visiting and I'll be sure to check out your blog :)

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  2. Another art-form on your "hate" list...definitely not complaining ;)

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    1. I think there might be another art form or two on my list, heheh!

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    1. I know! I'm cringing every time I look at them

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  4. When I saw the ballerinas draped over the barre, it reminded me of when Jason's skinning a deer and has to drape the carcass.

    I like ballet, but I too have seen some really bad ones. One time in college we were forced to watch a dance troupe perform as part of our "cultural education" and there was one segment where they had one women just spinning, spinning, spinning for what felt like 10 minutes. Not the cool spinning, just random flopping across the floor let's get dizzy til we puke spinning. It was awful.

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    1. Bwahahaha!!! Ballerina carcasses!

      That does sound awful and what is the point in endless spinning???

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  5. Oh, I'm glad you thought the ballerina pictures was creepy, too, because I saw it and shuddered.

    I only like ballerinas in pretty tutus and lovely music. That is al.

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    1. Same here...anything outside the realm of classical ballet is just too weird for me

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  6. When I saw that picture, I immediately thought of Gumby. They look disturbingly posable. I'm digging your hate list!

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    1. They look like all the bones have been removed from their bodies...too weird!

      Thanks!

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  7. Eww, those ballerinas look like swans with broken necks!

    Love the captions underneath the pictures. Cannot wait for C. :)

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  8. I love ballet, but I totally agree with you on the modern shit. I love classic ballet. The dancers draped over the barre are frighteningly disturbing, however. And the feet are, indeed, gnarly. I'm grateful that when I danced as a kid, I only spent a year en pointe before I gave it all up to focus on my band-geekery. My feet may not be gorgeous, but they certainly aren't as nasty as the ones in that picture!

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    1. Classic ballet I like, so boo to Ballet BC for breaking out the weird shit, especially the gonging

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  9. ROFL! I took ballet for about 15 years - a long time ago in another galaxy - but back then what you saw would have been classified as jazz dance or modern dance, not to be confused with classical ballet. It's too bad the lines are so blurred that no one knows what they're going to see anymore.

    And, yes, my toes hurt just looking at the photo.

    Laura Eno – A Shift in Dimensions

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    1. I was pissed off and wanted to complain about the false advertising but my ex hubs wouldn't let me make a scene lol

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  10. I've never seen a ballet. Just what gets represented in movies. I've thought about putting my daughter in ballet (she's five, and quite bendy) in order to help her gain a little grace (she's like all three stooges rolled into one, which is actually because of how extremely flexible she is), but someone I know who did ballet for years keeps having to have knee surgeries and ankle surgeries and the like. I'm not going to ruin my daughter's body that way! So, yeah, no ballet for her. As far as watching it, I'm not terribly excited at the thought.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. My mom put me in ballet when I was 5, hoping it would make me more graceful and less klutzy. I lasted one year before the instructor gently suggested to my mom that perhaps I'd be better suited to something else

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  11. I am glad you got computer time :) It was spoiled New Zealand when the Royal New Zealand Ballet did the Nutcracker suite and my daughter looked at the stage then asked me, "why are the dancers all in a hospital - a bit to much creative liberty for my taste.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #42

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    1. I got a new-to-me laptop for $100, so I thankfully don't have to share with Spielberg, who was not happy at the prospect :D

      I don't get why they just can't stick to the classic stuff..."creativity" does not always make it better

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  12. What got me about ballet is that it is so noisy. You can hear their wooden toes hit the wooden floor and I thought it was very distracting. I prefer modern dance with its bare feet and flowing colors. I found your comment on Warrior Muse, funny, as you are.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

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    1. I didn't even notice the noise...I think it was drowned out by all the gongs, but good point!

      Thank you for visiting and welcome :)

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  13. like the post, but still like classical ballet, hate that the cost of their dancing fecks up their toes and feet. Looking forward to more posts.

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    1. I know, their poor, poor feet...it's amazing professional ballet dancers can still walk after all that foot abuse

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  14. The majority of them have eaten disorders and gnarly feet. Hell, I have feet like that and I've never had a toe in a ponte shoe! I do admire their dedication and grace.

    The Russian ballet came to SA a couple of years ago and they brought me to tears of joy.

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