Even though I'm no longer officially participating in the A to Z Challenge, I'd still like to finish it...mostly because I'm awesome at starting a project and not-quite-so-awesome at the follow through part. Yesterday's letter was R and I had written a post about Running ahead of time, but a far more suitable topic would have been Rollercoasters of the emotional variety because I've been riding that fucking ride for the last couple days and I'm totally exhausted. While having someone who hurt you deeply put a large amount of effort into making sincere amends is a wonderful thing, there's all this emotional residue that comes along with it. Delving back into a bunch of anger and hurt that you tried to push back into the far reaches of your mind is a difficult thing but I suppose it's like finally draining out an emotional wound instead of continuing to let it fester while you do your best to ignore it. Forgiveness is a scary thing...it's letting go of a bunch of negative shit you got quite comfortable hanging onto. I suppose all you can do is proceed slowly with extreme caution and wait to see if the person really has turned their life around for good or if old behaviours and actions start to rear their ugly heads. Wait and see, wait and see....which is made easier by the fact this person no longer lives here and communication is via emails/texts. Better for keeping your pride intact and your feelings protected when you know you won't be face-to-face anytime soon.
Anyfuckingways, aside from my past coming back to gut-punch me, it's been a hectic week of work and noticing Spielberg is edging closer to becoming a young man and leaving boyhood behind. He's getting a mustache for christssakes and he's going to the fair (the traveling one with all the sketchy rides and the gross, stoned carnies who leer at all the teenage girls and give them free rides on the Zipper, probably to try and get their grubby hands in their pants) today with a bunch of his friends and I have been informed they are meeting girls there. A mustache and hormones...sweet raptor jebus, please put him back to the time before facial hair, puberty and spending an hour in the bathroom doing fuck-knows-what...I have a pretty good idea of the what, ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo, but I choose to banish that knowledge so I don't have to debate if I should buy him a Playboy magazine or let him make due with the Sears catalogue. Seriously, what is the protocol here??? Maybe I should get him to watch my
my cousin's comedy sketch about his "bathroom experiences"...not sure if it would serve as a tutorial or a warning though. Probably both.
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| Did you know May is Masturbation Month? Does that mean we get free porn and wrist massages? |
Wading through emotional stuff is so exhausting. Gut-punch is a perfect description. I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteOn a happier note, your cousin is hilarious! I have nephews that visit me over the summer. The amount of time boys spend in the shower is unbelievable. Seriously, how long can it possibly take?! Oh and I'm not providing any reading material. I don't think that they need any additional 'encouragement'. I'm already getting close to a water shortage situation as it is now.
What's really bad is I remember a JC Penny catalogue in their bathroom when we were kids and I hope like hell I never touched it lolol
DeleteI was telling a friend today that I was wondering about getting a Playboy for Speilberg...he mocked my choice in porn and offered to send him a Hustler...um, NO lol
I love your description of forgiveness, "it's letting go of a bunch of negative shit you got quite comfortable hanging onto." I'm at that point with Spawn's father and it feels so good to finally let go.
ReplyDeleteThe hour in the bathroom, I'm not even going there. Right now, I'm just concentrating on not letting potatoes grow from the dirt under his arm pits and groin. (hygiene boy, hygiene!) I'm sure he'll figure out the rest of it on his own...won't he?? :)
It does feel really good to forgive someone. I'm tired of being angry and really need to put all that shit behind me...glad to hear you're doing that too!
DeleteBwahahaha, armpit and groin potatoes! I REALLY hope they do, otherwise the stench alone will keep them single forever
I didn't know that May was maturation month! I wonder if there's a ribbon we have to wear.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what colour that ribbon would be...semen-white maybe?
DeleteNo ribbon just masturbate I am going to masturbate all day i cant wait i have called off work im not even going to clean the cum off me when i cum it can say there until i cum them cum some more
DeleteI'm in that place where I have to try & let go of some negative shit myself that someone put me through. Then I have to hope they really see the error of their ways (once & for all, this time). If only it was as easy to block some people in real life as it is on the internet.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you've been having to go through emotional ups and downs. I hope the person causing you so much grief is out of your life so you can turn a new page. It's not always easy, but time does heal.
ReplyDeleteAs for the boy, good luck is all I can say. My son is 4 so I don't have to deal with the Iknowexactlywhatyoumean stuff! Oh I dread the teen years . . .
You mean he's not using the Internet?
ReplyDeleteI've got two teenaged sons now so I totally hear you.
ReplyDeletelet me know if you want to commiserate.
My son Rocco is 7 and is already fascinated with his knob. Because he hasn't got his head around the boundaries of small boy shared nakedness (getting dressed and in the bath is fine, getting your tweeny cheap thrills is not), he came haring out of the bathroom with a semi, with a grin on his face so wide you could have driven a bus through it. "Look at this!" he exclaimed, "This is brilliant!". It was like he had discovered a video game that also dispensed real cake. I was so dumbstruck with shock and strange father/son pride I mumbled something like "That's nice, don't show your mother, she will have a conniption fit. Now get back in the bath."
ReplyDelete