Friday 26 April 2013

Vajazzling: Are sparkly vaginas really necessary?





I really don't understand the whole vajazzling trend. Sure, I like sparkly shit as much as the next female, but not enough to want to glue rhinestones to my hoo-ha. And while I understand wanting to surprise your man, I'm pretty sure men really don't care if your downstairs looks like a disco ball...any straight guy I've ever met will love your vagina with or without accessories. Because it's VAGINA.





Ok fine, so it looks kinda cool, but these sort of things make me think about the worst case scenario...all the things that could go wrong. Like what if you have an allergic reaction to the glue? The last thing I'd want to do is have to explain to an ER doctor why your vagina looks like a pornographic balloon and won't fit in your pants. And you can bet your ass that story would make the rounds in the nurses lounge...you would forever be known as the dumbass with the elephant vagina in local medical circles.

And what if the esthetician who vajazzled you didn't speak english or was hard of hearing or dyslexic and your significant other named Tyler wanted to know just who the fuck is Taylor and why is some other man's name is displayed on your nether regions?

Ok I have to admit this one cracks me up



And then you just know if vajazzling is a thing, it's going to lead to the inevitable

Penazzling: Aka "You are not coming near me with a disco dick"




Vajazzling gets 2 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter because no one wants an elephant vagina, even if it's shiny. Except maybe other elephants.




10 comments:

  1. Those pics were beyond disturbing. No adult should have a hairless crotch, much less a glittery one.

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  2. Surely it would chafe like hell....

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  3. Ha ha I agree, although I think you should have given it more flaming fingers...like 5. It's stupid with a stupid name :)

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  4. No. Just. No. It looks ridiculous. Not to mention the other kinds of injuries like choke hazards and scraping the shit out of somebody...so after sex, do they need a tetanus shot? Too risky. 5 flaming fingers is my vote - not that this is some kind of blogocracy but this one really bothers me. And what the fuck is a disco stick?!

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  5. Also, it's misnamed because the vagina is INSIDE a woman's body and that is not where they put the rhinestones. Thank gawd.

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  6. I had never heard of this. It really does seem like a waste of time.

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  7. Also the sparkly bits would get stuck to your teeth, right?

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  8. I'm still of the opinion that this whole vajazzling thing is a huge practical joke, and eventually someone's going to jump out and yell "Ha, gotcha!" to all those women who paid a couple hundred bucks to have their crotch covered in itchy looking crystals.

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  9. I am dying here! I never heard of this, but it's hysterical. I am also giggling over "scrotjazzling" because that's just comic gold right there!

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