|Painted penises. Not really appropriate for work. Unless you offer body-painting services.|
Also, technology continues to be the bane of my existence because no matter how many times I try to give my blog those little buttons that link to my fb page/titter/pinterest I can never get it to work. Either I'm missing the part of the brain that can understand a tutorial so simple a 5 year old could figure it out, or I'm allergic to words like "HTML" and when I see them I automatically go in to "fight or flight" response mode ("fight" being pounding on the keyboard and calling my laptop a cockbiting asstard..."flight" being giving up and googling "cakes with booze in them"). I've concluded I need someone to do this computery shit for me and plan on putting an ad on Craigslist that say "Will trade free haircuts and bacon to someone who can do computer-related stuff for me. Must be techno-savy, not smell like sour dirt and despair, and not try to explain what you're doing because I don't want to fucking know, that's what I'm paying you with haircuts and meat for"
In other news, a bird took a massive dump on my balcony. I don't know what kind of evil Birdzilla was ingesting, but I'm now hoping it rains for the next week because I really don't want to spend all day scrubbing petrified liquid shit...I don't think a cleaning product exists that can get rid of that kind of horror. On the other hand, it makes me grateful my son is long out of diapers and I no longer have to deal with explosive pooping episodes 10 times a day...if only I could rid his room of the never-ending foot funk smell that no air freshener can touch, life would be grand and stank-free.
PS You can find me on fb here, on twitter here and pinterest here