Monday, 21 January 2013

You need healthcare. Even without the danger of polar bears.

Dear America:

While I’m happy on your behalf that today is Inauguration Day (or is it Re-inauguration Day because it’s Obama’s second term), I do question your government devoting an entire day to car parades, speeches, dinners and fancy-dress balls. You’re the only first world country without universal health care and you’re dangling on the edge of a fiscal cliff (which I will admit I’m not exactly sure what that phrase even means…I’m assuming it has something to do with a shit-ton of debt and both parties spending far too much time arguing and bitching over whose fault it is instead of…I don’t know…FIXING THE PROBLEM???), yet you’re ok with spending eleventy million dollars (note: that may be a slight exaggeration. It’s probably only tenity million. My accountant is on holiday, so I don’t have the figures in front of me. Fine. I have no accountant and can barely do math on a calculator, and only when I’m forced to), on what amounts to a bunch of blah-blah-blah, a (probably overcooked) steak dinner, and some singing by a bunch of celebrities who you know are only performing because chatting with Michelle Obama about her dress and discussing how to sneak past your security team when you have a secret craving for 6 Dairy Queen hot fudge sundaes is the ultimate star-fuck, especially when you’re already a star and usually the fuckee.

Let me tell you, in Canada, when our Prime Minister is sworn in, it’s a 3 minute ceremony followed by beer, poutine and drunken karaoke featuring Celine Dion tunes at the local pub. It’s casual, relaxed and most importantly, costs $1057.44. And the majority of that is for the beer tab. Because we prefer healthcare to expensive pomp and ceremony. Also, it’s too fucking cold up here for ballgowns, which look stupid with thermal underwear. Plus running from polar bears is difficult in high heels. Those assholes are fast, you know.

Anyfuckingways, in the future, you may want to consider making some economic changes to where your hard-earned tax dollars go. Especially when it’s for a party you’re not even invited too, which is almost like shades of high school. Seriously people…you don’t even get a piece of cake out of the deal. I’d bitch if I were you.

Yours sincerely,

Your northern neighbour who has healthcare. And needs it due to all the rampaging polar bears


  1. How true. Although, the inauguration was worth it to see John Boehner looking like he was going to throw up.

    (Read your comment on The Bloggess about scales. Mine is in cahoots with Hershey's.)

  2. Is that the guy Michelle Obama was apparently rolling her eyes at during his speech? Not that I blame her...not much is more boring than listening to someone blather on about whatever when there's likely cake for dessert

    Thanks for visiting!

  3. While people are starving on the streets, and unemployment is at an all time high, politicians in Washington DC are spending millions of tax payer money on the inauguration. That's America for you, lol

    At our clinic montly providers meeting last Thursday, our employer informed us that due to our poor economy, the health insurance premium is going to go up, while our health benefits will be limited. Some of the services we provide the community will also be cut.


    NINJA ZX-14 Moto Vlog

  4. I honestly do not understand how the US cannot provide universal healthcare...I think we have the right as human beings to not worry that if we get cancer or some other horrible disease, we're gonna die because we can't afford the treatment...that's just sick