This is what I love about blogging: one minute you’re
discovering new-to-you bloggers that share a similar sense of humour/insanity
and the next you’re on all forms of social media discussing tampon crafts.
Where else can you find other people who appreciate the fine art of tampon
toupee-making? It brings a fucking tear of gratitude to my eye…good thing I
have my tampon hanky at the ready in case of unexpected crying due to
cyber-happiness.
I decided to delve a little deeper into the vast unknown
that is tampon crafting because I think it’s fucking genius (possibly the
mentally disturbed kind of genius, but that’s often the best kind) and also I’m
kicking myself for not discovering this back in the spring when I had a
hysterectomy and no longer had a use for lady plugs (and trust me, trying to
figure out what to do with a box of tampons was a fucking conundrum…throwing
them away seemed like a big waste, giving them away seemed weird, because would
you not be a little freaked out if some stranger asked you “hey, want some
tampons?”. I also debated leaving them in the building lobby in the spot where
people leave free stuff. I once found a box of about 50 extra small condoms
there, which lead me to believe Frodo the hobbit is a tenant in my building and
apparently he’s decided to stop being a horny little whore and choose a life of
celibacy. Hence the tiny-condom giveaway. Also, Superman is my next-door
neighbour. I know this because I saw him smoking on his balcony on Xmas Day
wearing his outfit, including the cape. Did I mention I live in the best
apartment building in the history of EVER? Fuck yes I do)
Anyfuckingway, I’m bummed about this
tampon-crafting-discovery because now it’s way too late to throw myself a
hysterectomy party with a uterus cake, tampon party favours and games like
Uterus Hacky Sack and Fallopian Tube Sword Fighting.
Sigh.
That is so funny... I started writing about that conversation too, but ended up only talking about this winged kitten I found at the mall instead because it was awesomesauce.
ReplyDeleteI'm still kind of sad that I hadn't seen this before Christmas. Those tampon light strings would have really done something for my tree this year...
I think it's imperative you get that winged kitten
DeleteI decided I no longer need to buy gifts for my loved ones, ever, thanks to the wonderful world of tampon crafts...tampon toupees and blowguns for all!
Geniuses usually are a little mentally disturbed so don't be afraid. I'm happy to see that the hilarious tampon conversation is continuing here :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten that excited about tampons in...well, never. But tampon crafting? That shit is AWESOME! I could discuss that for a week :)
ReplyDeleteAfter my hysterectomy I wanted to have a tampon burning party, but never got around to it. I also wanted my uterus back so I could stomp that sucker flatter than a piece of veal, but missed that opportunity too.
ReplyDeleteI saw a blog post once where a woman gave her cats tampons to play with like catnip mice.
Ha! I wanted my uterus after too! But I thought I'd either make it into a purse or a hacky sack...sadly I forgot to ask, so I suppose it went to wherever they dispose used body parts at the hospital. Which makes me wonder if there's a special dumpster for that
Delete