Friday 31 May 2013

It's a twofer!!

I'm a horrible award recipient, due to a combination of procrastination and short term memory loss (either due to all the pot-smoking in the 80's or the pregnancy-brain thing that never did fix itself after giving birth. There was another reason but I just forgot what it was 5 seconds after I thought of it. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. Fucking irony). I'm also going to blame the Triad of Time-Sucks: Pinterest, fb and that fucking Candy Crush game that will NOT let me move up to the next level, despite finishing each of the first 35 levels because what the fresh hell is up with that bullshit???? UNLOCK THE NEXT FUCKING LEVEL, YOU CAVITY-RIDDEN ASSMONKEYS OR I WILL GET OUT MY IMAGINARY FLAMETHROWER AND MELT CANDYLAND INTO A STICKY PUDDLE....SCORCHED EARTH, MOTHERFUCKERS


Anyhoo, back to these awards. I've been nominated for 4 Liebsters but I'm going to continue to put those off because I'm a lazy asshole and Liebsters are a honour, but labour intensive, especially when you save them up and have to answer 4 sets of questions, come up with 4 sets of questions and dress up 4 monkeys in tutus and teach them to perform Swan Lake (that last bit may or may not be required...I may not have read the rules clearly)

Today I'm going to accept 2 awards:

The first is from Marjorie at Don't Call Me Marge who I consider a member of my blogging tribe aka The Potty-Mouthed Pussy Posse, which I just made up right now and would totally make a badge for except for I don't know how to do that due to my technological ineptness. Also she had a brillo pad giveaway and I just saw I WON!!!! I seriously love her :)

To prove how devoted I am to this team, I promise that in the event of a zombie apocalype, I plan to amputate my leg and  arm and replace it with a cannon and chainsaw, respectively

What I love best about this award is there are no rules or questions or math questions you have to solve before you can claim your I am honoured, grateful and a little relieved, especially about the lack of math.

The second award is from Starr at The Insomniac's Dream, who I also consider a Potty-Mouth Pussy Posse member and she is awesomesauce in human form. Unfortunately her blog will not let me leave comments anymore which is probably due to more technological retardation on my part because seriously, I still don't know even know where the mute button is on my phone, nor can I figure out how to add a fb/twitter/pinterest button to my blog because I can't understand the fucking tutorial

This award is super-cool, not only because it has the word "whore" in it (heehee) but look at those fucking boots!!!

1. Upon receiving this award, you will receive a prompt. You are to write about said prompt. (Whenever you feel like it)

2. Link back to who gave you this award and include the picture of the award in your post.

3. Pass it to just five bloggers. (You can tag back if you want to read what your presenter has to say about the topic you come up with.)

4. Come up with a prompt for the five bloggers you chose.

5. When you do finally get around to writing the prompt, let the blogger who presented you this award know. So they can read it.

So the prompt was Guilty Pleasures, and yes, I have several of those:

Reading: which I never ever technically feel guilty about except for a vague unease after I spend an entire Sunday reading and get nothing else accomplished. But I've learned to ignore the shit out of that feeling because fuck it...BOOKS!

The internet: I spend waaaay too much time online. I think it may be more of an obsession at this point than a guilty pleasure

Nyquil: I secretly get excited when I'm sick because I can dose myself up with this magical elixor. Fortunately I have enough self control to prevent myself from using Nyquil recreationally and turning into one of those people who visits 6 different drugstores so no one will question why someone needs 12 bottles of Nyquil at a time, but it really is the best part about being sick. Well that, and the stomach flu-induced weight loss, which also makes me excited once the vomiting and diarrhea ends.

Coming home from the salon on a slow day to have a nap in between clients: actually I don't feel guilty about this at all. So technically it's just a pleasure

So now I'm gonna pass on BOTH awards to the following 5 bloggers and your writing prompt is this:

If you were dictator of a small island nation whose only export to support the entire island was bananas, what kinds of cut-throat marketing and business practices would you use to insure that your island becomes a monopoly in the banana market?

Jenn at Jeneral Insanity
Kelly at Dysfunctionally Functional
Lily at Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose
Nagzilla at The Adventures of Nagzilla
Jenn at Something Clever 2.0

Also, I'm totally tagging back Marjorie and Starr...because I can :D


  1. Holy shit! This is awesome! Thank you! Extraneous exclamation marks just for the fuck of it!

    Seriously though. I'm totally honored. These awards are wicked. Now to figure out how to hold on to the banana monopoly...


  3. Thank you! I'm behind on awards, too, so that "thank you" was 70% genuine, 30% sarcastic... And if you want help with the buttons, email me. I got you.

  4. Thank you so much for the awards!! And for the coffee that was just sprayed through my nose all over my chest and laptop on account of your Candy Crush rant!

    DEAR. FUCK. Is that game more addictive than crack and meth put together, or what?!?

    You definitely need to find someone to make a badge for your Potty-Mouth Pussy Posse. I so want to be a member!! I swear, the alliteration is the best!

  5. Oh bollocks! That rant made me laugh so much, that my Always panty pad with acti-pearls, had to work extra hard to keep dear Aunt Flo contained within. I know, I share far too much.

    Thanks SO much for the mention. I really REALLY wasn't expecting that. And such cool awards as well.

    And pretty pleeeeease make a Potty-Mouth Pussy Posse badge. Now that would be a badge that I would proudly display on my blog. :)

  6. When the Potty Mouth Pussy Posse button is ready, I want one!!!

  7. Well, well, well, look at this. I was whoring around the Internets tonight (totally avoiding deadlines for paying jobs) just slutting it up and I found the award making its rounds faster than a crack whore hard up for a hit. I traced it back HERE and I'm tagged! I guess if you had been able to comment on my fucking blog I would have known.

    I've got one ahead of you. Then I'll do this. Because, well, I get paid to write other drivel now.

    PS: I use NyQuil to sleep sometimes. Is that considered recreational?

    -The Insomniacs Dream