Sunday 30 December 2012

12 lessons learned in 2012

This post idea comes from the other site I blog on, but I decided to post it here too

These are some of the things I learned in the last year:

1) Thrift store shopping is way more satisfying than buying brand new. It’s treasure hunting for the broke and cheap but instead of a chest full of gold, it’s a pair of leather boots in fucking mint condition for $5.…jackpot, motherfucker!

2) Slowly cooking bacon in maple syrup creates the perfect balance of taste and texture…the crispy, salty bacon is harmoniously complimented by the sweet, caramelized glaze of sugary maple syrup. A fucking foodgasm deluxe.

3) Don’t try to climb over a gate when drunk, especially when your best friend is egging you on by slurring “Dooooon’t woooooorrry, itshhh fiiiine….I caaaaatch yeeewww if yeeeewww faaaaall”. Because she won’t catch you, due to the fact she’s so fucking drunk she can barely stand up herself and you’ll fall face first into gravel and look like you got hit by a truck in the morning.

4) My liver hates me far more now then it did in my 20’s. Damn you, delicious alcohol.

5) Stress is an effective but horrible way to lose weight and I don’t recommend it unless you’re a fucking masochist who enjoys depression and un-ending crying jags that leave you with zero interest in food.

6) Even a techno-moron like me can figure out how to use an e-reader.

7) What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Ok, I learned that a long time ago, but it’s one of those things you re-learn every time you’re teetering on that emotional cliff.

8 ) There is a zen art to golfing. You have to become one with the ball. And if that fails, stomp around the green while swearing in copious amounts, throw your putter at the nearest tree and threaten to run the ball over with your car if it doesn’t fucking co -operate and get in the fucking hole right fucking now.

9) There is not enough air freshener in the world to make your teenage son’s room not smell like feet

10) Laughter truly is the best medicine. Followed closely by valium.

11) There is no such thing as owning too many books. Until you have to move them. But as soon as they’re all back on the bookshelf you get post-move amnesia and you’re back to believing the no-such-thing-as-too-many-books truth again.

12) And finally: “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation”(Elizabeth Gilbert). Fucking rights it is.

Happy New Year!