Sunday 16 June 2013

Your vagina renders you ineligible for Father Of The Year Award. Who knew?

You would think that a day that celebrates parenting would be pretty straight-forward and non-controversial. Apparently, you'd be wrong. When the hell did Father's Day turn into a catalyst for debate over gender roles, and an opportunity to suggest single mothers are egotistical and selfish, and the lack of a good male role model in their kid's lives rests solely on her shoulders? Sorry, I must have missed that memo.

I was scrolling through fb this morning, reading all the nice Father's Day statuses and then came upon this link which is one woman's rather bitter-sounding opinion that suggests single moms who fulfill the role of both mother and father have no right to celebrate Father's Day because they are not men. The article goes on to further suggest that single moms are egotistical whiny bitches who made the bad decision to allow herself to get knocked up by some fuckwit that never wanted her in the first place (I'm summarizing the article here, but this is exactly what I took away from reading it).

After several re-reads all while choking on my own outrage, I calmed the fuck down and decided voice my 2 cents, which, as we all know, is actually worth about .000004371 cents on the internet when you factor in the whole "internet opinions are like assholes...everyone has one. Or several. Especially if you're an alien from the planet Rectum, a yet-to-be-discovered, far-flung planet where the lifeforms have multiple anuses and use all the poop as a power source" thing.

First of all, the only part of the article I agree with is the fact that women are not men. Mostly because of the obvious penis/vagina difference. I do understand and agree that children need a strong, positive male role model in their lives. But that is where my agreement with this writer ends. In a perfect world, children would have a whole tribe of positive role models and influences in their lives to love, nurture and teach them to grow up to be responsible, caring adults. Unfortunately we do not live in a perfect world and we have to do the very best we can with what we have to work with, and often that means single parents of BOTH genders end up doing double-duty, not because they're a bunch of self-absorbed asshats that deliberately made bad life-choices, but because of circumstance and the fact that some things are beyond our control. I certainly never planned on getting divorced and having my son live with me only 50% of the time, but should I have stayed in an unhappy marriage and have the consequence of that be to have my son grow up thinking that  marriage equals living in seperate parts of the house and barely speaking to each other? How the hell is he going to learn what a happy and healthy relationship is if his parent's broken relationship is setting the standard? Divorce is never ideal, but it's a hell of a lot better than letting your kid see you and your ex being miserable together and thinking that's what marriage and relationships are.

Secondly, while I am fortunate to now have an very amicable relationship with my ex, not everyone is that lucky. I have several friends who are single parents with an ex that has sweet-fuck-all to do with their kids, so they have to be mother and father because their ex is an irresponsible fuckwad. To lay the blame at the feet of the person who is the only parent their kid has is utter bullshit. It takes two people to make a baby and to suggest that women are "too blinded by their own ego to make decisions in the best interest of her children" is stunningly judgmental and asserts that all single moms deliberately made shitty choices and are raising a generation of children who are doomed to be fucked up because their moms are idiots. I'm not sure what parallel universe this writer is living in, but it must be nice to be so fucking self-righteous to declare that single mothers who enjoy being acknowledged on Father's Day for doing the job of both parents are in the position they're in due to "lacking basic intelligence".

Finally, I think a good role model for your kid transcends gender. My son is lucky to have a small village of both genders raising him, but not everyone is fortunate enough to have that. We do the best we can, with what we have to work with and for me, the bottom line is my son grows up knowing he is surrounded by people who love him. We've all made shitty choices in life and we can't travel back in time to undo them, nor can we dwell on the past. We can learn from our mistakes and try to do better. But this idea that all children who are suffering from a lack of strong father-figures solely because their mothers are stupid and egotistical. is not only wrong, it's a fucking slap in the face to so many women who did not choose to raise their children alone, but are doing the best they can given the situation they have found themselves in. Yes, there are women out their who are terrible parents and don't deserve the kids they have, just like there are men out there who are wearing both mom and dad caps because their kids have a deadbeat mom. I think any parent doing double-duty would suggest to this writer she is full of shit, and to spend a week walking in their parenting shoes before she starts flinging that kind of self-righteous bullshit around.

Happy Fathers Day to all dads, regardless of your gender :)


  1. That bitch has issues. Sounds to me like her kids don't even have a strong female role model, let alone a male. I share your outrage, and I salute all responsible parents, whether the greeting card companies say it's their day or not.

  2. Extremely well said! I have a word for people like that, I just learned it the other day: "fucktard". Though "fuckwad" works pretty dam well!

    As a single parent with a son who is the primary care-taker of twins because the mother is too fucking lazy and self centered to do anything herself, I agree whole-heartedly. We don't live in a perfect world, and society has always had a place for good parental role models of all genders.

    I would expect this woman also has issues with gay/lesbian parents, widows and widowers and every other micro-cosm of society trying to do the best they can to LOVE their children. I pity her own children, as her lack of love for others (as well as compassion, empathy, awareness and general, all around brains) makes it scary to think she was allowed to breed

    Happy Father's Day - you earned it!

  3. Now there's a woman whom appears to have a rather large stick stuck up her arse. And why is it that the light of goodness shines out of her own single mum's derriere but the rest of us seem bound for hell.

    I applaud anyone's right to their own opinions but does she need to be so bitter? In describing us all as egotistical, as well as lacking in basic intelligence, she is in fact, describing herself.

    I have never taken on the mantle of 'dad' or sought recognition as one. I don't proclaim to take on both roles and have always maintained that children need a positive male role model but that's not an easy thing to find nowadays.

    She also failed to take into account why some women find themselves as single parents. It's not always because the guy is simply a dick. What about death, illness, disability etc, or in her case, the fact that her dad was in prison. (seriously, she really doesn't have a leg to stand on)
    Sometimes people are their own worse enemy. :)

  4. I think she failed miserably to make her point, lol I also noticed lots of women on FB celebrating Fathers Day as their own, lol

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  5. If love, nurturing, respect, desire to teach morals and values, concern, devotion are all wrapped up in what sex we are or what situation we find ourselves in as we try to navigate this world and our lives then we should all just give up now, throw our kids into the woods and let the wolves raise them. (Yes, that was one hell of a long run-on sentence).

  6. I think you said it all...Im good.