Friday 14 June 2013

Academic excellence and sounding like a broken record

Last night I attended an awards ceremony at my son's school... it's for all the kids who made the honour roll and they gave out a ton of academic/arts/trades awards and $27000 of district scholarships. Some things I observed:

1) There are a LOT of smart and hard-working kids at Spielberg's school because there must have been close to 500 kids that got on the honour roll (including mine...excuse me while my head explodes with pride because when I was in 8th grade I was too busy smoking in the girl's room,  pretending I had a never-ending period to get out of PE and getting kicked out of typing class for inciting everyone to wear those stupid cloth typewriter covers as a burka to worry about academics much)

2) I'm convinced the kid who was sitting in front of us with his family will probably be the person who finds a cure for cancer or discovers time-travel, because he must have received at least 12 academic awards, a scholarship, a citizenship award, plus he was on the Principal's Honour Roll, which requires straight A's for the entire school year. I tried to scootch Spielberg's chair closer to that kid's because if all that brilliance is even remotely contagious, I'd be thrilled if Spielberg was infected with it. Kudos to that kid for kicking hardcore academic ass!

3) This awards thing was excellent incentive for Spielberg, who declared he intends to stay on the honour roll next year, plus he's salivating at the possibility of an award from the music, creative writing or film and tv program. Those plaques they were giving out were like academic crack to him and I will fully support that addiction

In other news, I've spent the last two weeks sick with the fucking plague (maybe not the actual plague, but I forced myself to avoid WebMD because according to that site, I've had the plague twice already, and anthrax. That place is a hypochondriac's nightmare) and working extra at the hair school. I dearly love my job there, and the students, but this is what I posted on my fb yesterday:

Things I would really like to NOT have to say to my students tomorrow:
1) Did you do your job?
2) Put that stuff in your bag or your not leave it on the shelf
3) Whose crap is in The Basket Of Doom?
4) Do you seriously have your cel phone out right now??
5) No, you cannot eat while you write your test
6) Is that toilet clean enough to drink out of? ARE YOU SURE??? I'm gonna be checking that, you know. No, I am not going to literally drink out of the toilet to check
7) If you don't drink enough water, you will end up in emerg on an IV. I don't care if water tastes gross, DRINK IT 

8 ) Everyone hates doing fingerwaves. You have to know how to do one anyway. Yes, you do. Because I said so is why
9) Are you sure you did your job? I'm checking right now
10) Go. Do. Your. Job.

FYI: The Basket Of Doom is where all the unclaimed brushes, combs and clips go to die. Anytime I ask whose stuff is in there, all the students swear that none of it is theirs. Until I make them go through the basket and suddenly, somehow some of it belongs to them. My theory is there is a magical wormhole somewhere in the school that sucks hair implements into it, where they float around time and space for a while, and then get regurgitated into the Basket Of Doom. I'm surprised the Discovery Channel and NASA have not come to investigate this phenomenon yet

I imagine this is what having 9 teenage daughter all at the same time must feel like. Also, I'm starting to channel my mother and every teacher I ever had. Thanks, karma. Yes, you are a bitch