I was too busy this week to finish the rest of my posts in a timely fashion, so today you get 4 things I hate for the price of one...enjoy!
Waxing: Voluntarily ripping your body hair out makes me question female sanity. Yes, it's nice to not have a unibrow or leg hair that you could braid, but why the fuck does the process have to be so painful?? I had a bikini wax once...there was screaming and an escape attempt that was thwarted by my esthetician friend who literally wrestled me back on the bed, pinning me down and ignored my insistence that I did not care if I walked around with one side of my bikini line unwaxed on my vacation, because I don't know anyone in Mexico anyway and if anyone asked I'd tell them I was rocking the newest trend in asymmetrical pube fashion. She waxed the other side against my will, so while it was nice not to not worry about scaring my fellow vacationers with an entire winter's worth of bikini line pube jungle, I'm sticking to a razor thankyouverymuch.
Xmas: Two things I hate about the holiday season...the rampant commercialism and consumer guilt. It's bad enough that stores start pulling out their Xmas shit by Labour Day, but companies who try to guilt me into buying Spielberg thousands of dollars worth of crap he doesn't need annoys the fuck out of me. I don't need some marketing company suit-dummy who gets paid an obscene amount of money to shame parents into believing if they don't buy their kid the latest gadget or toy the fucking world will come to an end because you're a uncaring mom who is depriving their precious child of something vital to their well-being. Like the latest iphone that costs $700. Fuck you suit-dummies...shove your shame so far up your corporate ass that it never sees the light of day again.
Also, Xmas music is the bane of my existence for the entire month of December, but that's something I rant about annually already, so we can skip it for today.
Yarn: I don't hate yarn itself as much as I hate the shit some people make out of yarn
|Happy Birthday, I knitted you some dog shit. Seriously, there's a knitting pattern for shit??? WHY???|
|I don't even have words for this|
Zucchini: This is my most despised and hated vegetable. I hate the taste, smell, texture and I truly believe zucchini was invented as some kind of sick, cosmic joke. My mother loves zucchini which turned dinnertime into a vegetable war zone when I was a kid because she insisted on serving it, I'd insist there was no way I was eating it unless it was forcibly jammed down my throat thus rendering dinner into some kind of zucchini stand-off. My mom got far more wily about the zucchini presentation and started sneaking it into casseroles, hoping I wouldn't notice. I noticed and got extremely adept at spotting a tiny piece of that vegetable evil and would not eat until I was sure I had picked every single piece out. Then my mother got even more shady and started pureeing zucchini and sneaking it into shit like strawberry jam and chocolate cake. It got to the point I had to examine all foodstuff for tiny, telltale green flecks. Needless to say my own kitchen is now and will forever be a zucchini-free zone and my kid has never eaten that crap. Unless my mother has continued her shenanigans and snuck it into his dinner and I would NOT put that past her
Collectively, waxing, Xmas, yarn and zucchini earn 5 flaming middle fingers on the Hate-O-Meter because individually they all suck, but together they form a team of horror so heinous there are not enough middle fingers in the world to express my dismay