Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Assmonkeys wanted

It's May, and do you know what that means?? That this month is devoted to swearing, inappropriateness and a blog challenge where being an assmonkey is not only encouraged, it's expected...in other words, the PERFECT challenge for a foul-mouthed asshole such as myself. Please join in the fun and prepare to gratuitously curse your fucking face off for an entire month, with no repercussions and heaps of admiration from your fellow pottymouths for your ability to weave a colourful tapestry of swearing so lyrical your ears are in danger of exploding in inappropriate joy. Visit The ABC's Of Swearing Challenge for details, links to participating blogs and to sign up!

And because I am all about blogging for educational purposes (totally lying, fyi), I will be providing an inappropriate word or phrase for all my blog posts in May, courtesy of Urban Dictionary, which is chock-full of super-fucked words and slang. You're welcome. Today's phrase is:

Alligator Fuckhouse: A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!

Anyfuckingway, I'm starting off this challenge by accepting an award I received twice in the last couple days, from The Insomniac's Dream  and Julie You Jest ...I am honoured and thank both of you for considering me an inspiration of any kind :)

So pretty!!!

Now for the rules:
1. Display the award on you blog. .
2. Link back to the person who gave you the award.  
3. State 7 things about yourself. 
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link back to them. 
 
7 things about me that you may not have known and may not want to know, but fuck it, I'm telling you anyway:
 
1) I broke my nose when I was a kid by throwing a golf ball as hard as I could on the road to see how high it would bounce. My face got in the way, unfortunately
 
2) I also knocked myself unconscious by running headfirst into metal monkeybars about a month after I broke my nose

3) I never did grow out of managing to find stupid ways to injure myself. On the plus side I have some pretty cool scars, the origins of which are somewhat embarrassing to explain

4) Technology hates me and the feeling is mutual. Electronics in particular. Which is ironic because I'm addicted to my iphone and laptop...I just suck at being able to use them

5) I went bungy-jumping at my best friend's batcholerette party. Swan-diving headfirst off a very high bridge over a river is the scariest fucking thing I've ever done in my life. And I'd totally do it again, beacause it was such a rush

6) I've accidentally mooned neighbours twice because of the same pair of stupid sweatpants that were too big and would suddenly fall down around my ankles with no warning. You'd think I would have gotten rid of the sweatpants after the first time that happened. You would be wrong. Because I'm that much of an idiot

7) My petname and former blog alias for my( former-but-we're-in-the-midst-of-reconciling-because-he-finally-got-his-shit-together-it's-a-long-fucking-story) boyfriend was Asshole. No I'm not kidding and he loved it when I called him that. And trust me, it suited him at the time

Now for the bloggers who inspire me...you guys all fucking rock and make this blogging community such a fun place to be :)

 
 


 

Posted by at

25 comments:

  1. Kate @ Another Clean Slate1 May 2013 at 10:50

    Congrats on your award! New to the blog but ASSume you're inspiring, I guess!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Phoebe Alexander1 May 2013 at 11:13

    Thanks for the nomination, lady! Also, I am totally trying that sex move later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:02

      You're welcome! You and your writing have been an inspiration to me for a few years now :)

      I know, I kinda want to try that move too :D

      Delete
  3. ~Brandy~1 May 2013 at 12:45

    More embarrassing than running head first into metal monkey bars? How does that happen anyway?! All I can say to Alligator Fuckhouse is OUCH!

    Cheers from B at http://brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:04

      I'm pretty sure I wasn't paying attention to where I was running and suddenly...knocked out cold lol

      The stories behind some of my scars are way more embarrassing...and slightly X-rated :D

      Delete
  4. Unknown1 May 2013 at 13:17

    Congratulations! Is it sad that I squeeeed with delight, when I remembered in was March and that you were doing this challenge? Yeah I thought so. I am soooo looking forward to this.

    Thanks so much for the award and among such worthy bloggers too!
    Now I'm off to try the Alligator Fuckhouse, with an actual Alligator. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:08

      Thank you, and your writing is inspiring AND makes me laugh my ass off...your A-Z posts about Spawn were one of the challenges highlight for me :)

      Let me know how fuckhousing with an actual alligator works out lol

      Delete
  5. Chuck Baudelaire1 May 2013 at 16:26

    For some reason I thought you said you bounced a bowling ball off the ground, and that would have made you the coolest kid ever. But then I guess you would have broken your whole face. Still...I'm indebted to you for informing me that I can swear on my blog for a whole fucking month.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:09

      Breaking my face with a bowling ball would have been horrible and the best story ever all at the same time!

      The more swearing this month, the better :)

      Delete
  6. Jenn @ Something Clever 2.01 May 2013 at 17:32

    Thank you! I'm ASStounded! I've always ASSpired to be an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:10

      You're welcome! I'm ASStounded that anyone would classify me as even remotely inspiring in the first place lol

      Delete
  7. Anonymous1 May 2013 at 18:28

    Yay! It has begun! I gots to go get busy. Fuckin' A!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:11

      Fuck yes, you do!

      Shit. I still have to do the Liebster thing. Oops.

      Delete
  8. Unknown2 May 2013 at 06:19

    I must try this Alligator Fuckhouse. That went on my Fuckit List. (A sort of bucket list, but for sex).

    You're supposed to move your face out of the way of balls!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:13

      I have a Fuckit list too, and this is definitely going on mine, just so I can casually throw the words "yep, so last night I did the alligator fuckhouse...had to get the bite wounds treated at the ER afterwards, but it was all good"

      Delete
  9. Nagzilla2 May 2013 at 10:36

    FUCKING A RIGHT!! Thank you so much for the award. Very cool.
    And I am loving the new A to Z challenge. Not partaking in this one ONLY because I'm tapped out from the last one, but never fear. Nagzilla always finds a way to work a swear word in her posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:15

      You're fucking welcome!

      The nice thing about this challenge is you don't have to post every day...just whenever you feel like it this month

      Oh, I trust you'll work some epic swearing into your posts :D

      Delete
  10. Marjorie McAtee2 May 2013 at 12:10

    Thank you! Good luck with the asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mina Lobo2 May 2013 at 14:36

    Well, fuck *me* with a stick. If only I weren't so beat from A to Z...bugger.

    Also: that sweatpants story = LOL. :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maple Syrup Land2 May 2013 at 20:19

      I think everyone is a bit burnt out from doing A-Z...with this month's challenge, the rules are pretty relaxed and you don't have to post every day...good thing because I can't keep up that sort of pace for long

      Those stupid sweatpants...I failed to mention that the second time they fell down I was in such a hurry to yank them back up I tripped over my feet and landed with my bare ass sticking up in the air...no wonder the neighbours avoided us lol

      Delete
  12. Kelly2 May 2013 at 23:42

    I'm playing catch up from A-to-Z, and now I find out that there's a BETTER A-to-Z out there for May?!? Shit. I'm so not sleeping this weekend.

    Thanks so much for the award! Awards are purty. I like 'em.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Elise Fallson4 May 2013 at 10:57

    Thanks so much for passing on the award my way! May sounds like it's going to be a fun blogging month! Oh and I mooned my neighbors once, but it wasn't accidental!

    Sorry I haven't been around, I'm officially on vacation in the States until mid May. It's been great until today. We left Florida, hit Georgia and got a flat tire. So now I'm at Tire Kingdom waiting to see if they can repair the falt or if I'm going to have to buy a new tire. I'm so damn pissed off. This 10 hour drive just got extended 2 hours--great. At least Tire Kingdom has free WiFi. See, I can look on the bright fucking side of things.
    (;

    ReplyDelete
  14. Kofla Olivieri5 May 2013 at 13:06

    It appears you have a bigger following in this blog than the other one! Congrats!

    Riding My Own Biography
    NINJA ZX-14 MotoVlog

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)