Dildo, Newfoundland. Who the hell comes up with these names??

A couple things...

1) I just discover the weather app on my iphone and spent way too much time last night checking the weather in Moscow, Bali and Tuktoyuktuk (currently -22 C and probably not at the top of my vacation list). Much to my annoyance, this douchenozzle app won't recognize "The North Pole", "top of Mt Everest" or "Hell" (the one where all the damned live, not the one in Michigan. Although maybe it's the same place, but I doubt it because Hell, MI is currently 18 C and that doesn't seem eyeball-searingly hot enough) because none of those places are a city nor to they have a zipcode. For fucks sakes Yahoo Weather, how the hell am I supposed to plan an imaginary trek to the top of Mt Everest if I'm not sure how many pairs of thermal underwear I should pack??? Dickheads.

2) At the salon, I think we are slowly building into a turf war with our new and thank-fuck-they're-temporary neighbours. The Conservative Party (Canada's version of George Bush/Mittens Romney) has moved in across the parking lot until the election is over and we already hate them (ok, maybe hate is too strong a word...then again, they're politicians, so maybe not). Our first issue is with their stupid slogan, "I believe in BC", which as my boss pointed out, does that mean the entire province has been rendered imaginary?? I know that according to Ottawa, the West is the red-headed stepchild of the country, but now we apparently don't exist at all, except if Stephan Harper sprinkles his fairydust and has his right-wing minions chant "I DO believe in BC" 3 times so all of a sudden, poof...look at that, BC is not just a fairytale land where pot-growing hippies and logging companies who want to land-rape the forests co-exist in a somewhat uneasy existence. Tell me, how many millions did you douchecanoes spend to come up with the stupidest slogan in political history? Fuckwads.

Also, when I come over and politely ask you to move your stupid van that's parked in the middle of the parking lot which is blocking access not only to our business's parking, but also the entrance to the entire parking lot, do not impatiently tell me you planned on moving it in two minutes anyways. I may have just given you a frowning of a lifetime in response, but trust me, in my head I immediately starting plotting the downfall of your entire political party, starting with my creation of The Maple Syrup Party of Canada, whose political platform will be a 2-pronged approach: the demise of the blackmarket for maple syrup (I'm not kidding there really is a maple syrup blackmarket...google maple syrup theft ring and you'll see) and $1000000 fines and automatic jail time for people who park their cars like assholes. I'm pretty sure either one of these issues would win me an election, but both together is a guaranteed victory. So learn to park your fucking van in a fucking parking spot or feel my political wrath, you dumbass.

Word/phrase of the day: Dildo: not only a sex toy, but also a city in Newfoundland. And yes, it's in my weather app (2 C, mostly sunny)