This post idea comes from the other site I blog on, but I decided to post it here too
These are some of the things I learned in the last year:
1) Thrift store shopping is way more satisfying than buying brand new.
It’s treasure hunting for the broke and cheap but instead of a chest
full of gold, it’s a pair of leather boots in fucking mint condition for
$5.…jackpot, motherfucker!
2) Slowly cooking bacon in maple
syrup creates the perfect balance of taste and texture…the crispy, salty
bacon is harmoniously complimented by the sweet, caramelized glaze of
sugary maple syrup. A fucking foodgasm deluxe.
3) Don’t try to
climb over a gate when drunk, especially when your best friend is egging
you on by slurring “Dooooon’t woooooorrry, itshhh fiiiine….I caaaaatch
yeeewww if yeeeewww faaaaall”. Because she won’t catch you, due to the
fact she’s so fucking drunk she can barely stand up herself and you’ll
fall face first into gravel and look like you got hit by a truck in the
morning.
4) My liver hates me far more now then it did in my 20’s. Damn you, delicious alcohol.
5)
Stress is an effective but horrible way to lose weight and I don’t
recommend it unless you’re a fucking masochist who enjoys depression and
un-ending crying jags that leave you with zero interest in food.
6) Even a techno-moron like me can figure out how to use an e-reader.
7)
What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Ok, I learned that a long time
ago, but it’s one of those things you re-learn every time you’re
teetering on that emotional cliff.
8 ) There is a zen art to
golfing. You have to become one with the ball. And if that fails, stomp
around the green while swearing in copious amounts, throw your putter at
the nearest tree and threaten to run the ball over with your car if it
doesn’t fucking co -operate and get in the fucking hole right fucking
now.
9) There is not enough air freshener in the world to make your teenage son’s room not smell like feet
10) Laughter truly is the best medicine. Followed closely by valium.
11)
There is no such thing as owning too many books. Until you have to move
them. But as soon as they’re all back on the bookshelf you get
post-move amnesia and you’re back to believing the
no-such-thing-as-too-many-books truth again.
12) And finally: “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation”(Elizabeth Gilbert). Fucking rights it is.
Happy New Year!
You had me at bacon. Number 8 is so true, much to my husband's dismay who yells, "Don't throw your club! Stop tearing up the green!" He loves my tantrums.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up!
It really is not a good game of golf without at least one tantrum
DeleteThanks for having me...I founds some awesome new-to-me bloggers to follow!
I love a good thrift store treasure hunt! And if I find a good used bookstore, in a demonstration of the Theory of Book Relativity time speeds up and money flows faster than should be normally possible.
ReplyDeleteOh, used bookstores are the shit! There's a terrific one where I live, I'm probably in there at least one a week
DeleteDude the maple syrup bacon sounds to die for - makes me wonder why I didn't think of it. Now I must try it, like now. Have you tried febreeze for the boy's room? On the commercials they make it sound like a miracle..
ReplyDeleteYou have to try the maple syrup bacon...it is food nirvana!
DeleteYep, I've done the febreeze...it smells good for about half an hour and then the stink takes over again. What the hell is he doing in there to make it so smelly??? I probably don't want to know
Love the thrift store treasure hunt! And even though I have an e-reader....I still need the feel and smell of actual books in my hands.
ReplyDeleteAlways, always do our bacon in maple syrup. always.
Same here...the e-reader is handy but it won't replace the pleasure of reading an actual book
DeleteIs that not the best way to make bacon? I can't believe I didn't know about it until last year
#11 is the truest thing ever. Books weigh approximately 87 million tons per box.
ReplyDeleteDo they ever! And not only that but I'm really OCD about how I put them away on the bookshelves...all genres together, all series together and in order they were written...it took FOREVER to put them away
DeleteI'm sorry, I got stuck on maple bacon and it took me about 10 minutes to read this post....
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
The maple bacon thing is...I can't even describe the deliciousness
DeleteThank you!
Teenager bedrooms will never smell better until they are done being teenagers and you replace the mattress. Or better yet, they move out and take the mattress with them.
ReplyDeleteEven if he takes the mattress with him I think I may still have to fumigate
DeleteI just discovered the wonderfulness of second-hand clothing! I had to find a store that wasn't catering to octogenarians...that took a while.
ReplyDeleteYep, that's true..in some stores you really have to dig deep to find anything good...but when you do...SCORE!
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