It’s the fiiiiiiinaaaal countdown

I read an article this morning that added more fuel to the fire that is Stacey’s Paranoia: Apocalypse/End of the World Division (fyi: all my paranoia has been neatly categorized and organized for more convenient panic attacks…and yes, I would make it all into a powerpoint presentation with graphs and piecharts if I knew how to do powerpoint). The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists have this doomsday clock they use as a symbol of an imminent apocalypse ( I wish I was making this shit up) and will be deciding at 1 PM EST today if they will nudge it forward towards humanity’s inevitable destruction.

How’s that for something to mull over your morning caffeine fix? I know I’m WIDE awake now.

Currently the clock is at 6 minutes to midnight and is calculated by looking at the current state of nuclear weapons, climate change and biosecurity, along with other issues that could influence humanity's survival. Are we really only 6 minutes (figuratively) from the brink of total destruction?? I would have thought it was only about 9:46 or so. Either someone is even more paranoid than me and has their finger hovering over that big red button that will make everything go boom or this is a government conspiracy in conjunction with the media and corporations like Walmart to throw us all in a panic so we run out and buy a bunch of shit we don’t need in order to make ourselves feel better and give us a false sense of security.

Either way, someone needs to calm the hell down, because the new season of Jersey Shore just started last week and it is completely imperative we don’t explode in a nuclear fireball until I find out if Snooki’s boyfriend finally gets clued in that she did have sex with the Situation.

I may be paranoid but I still have priorities, you know.